How to Quiet Your Inner Critic: The 4 Steps of Growth Mindfulness

What if your loudest inner critic could become your greatest teacher? In this conversation, Foster and Cesar explore Growth Mindfulness, a practice that helps us separate from negative self-talk and uncover the calm, clarity, and confidence already living inside us. From childhood wounds to social fears, they reveal how our thoughts can hold us back—and how meditation, awareness, and simple mantras can free us to live with authenticity and courage.

You will hear Cesar guide Foster through a live coaching session, offering a step-by-step approach to identifying and naming inner struggles, reframing self-doubt, and reconnecting with inner wisdom. This episode is for anyone who struggles with overwhelm, comparison, or fear of judgment, and wants practical tools to step into peace, self-trust, and personal growth.

In this episode they explore: 

• Why your inner critic may be stuck in childhood fears
• A four-step framework for calming your inner struggle
• How meditation is NOT what you think it is
• Why external success can never quiet internal unrest
• Small daily practices that build authentic confidence
• Why peace—not happiness—is the root of growth
• A live coaching session on overwhelm and self-trust
• PLUS, learn where you can find Cesar’s exclusive Growth Mindfulness meditation!

To work with Cesar on Growth Mindfulness and meditation one-on-one, you can reach out to him via his website at www.cesarcardona.com.

Foster mentions her eating disorder brain, which they talk about in The Eating Habits We Didn’t Choose. You can also watch the episodes on YouTube.

If you enjoyed this episode, take a moment to follow Beauty in the Break on your favorite podcast app and leave a review—it really helps!

Reach out to the show—send an email or voice note to beautyinthebreakpod@gmail.com and be sure to follow on Instagram. 

Cesar Cardona:

• Attend his upcoming speaking engagements
• Listen to music from Cesar + The Clew on Apple Music and Spotify
• Receive his monthly newsletter Insights That Matter

Foster Wilson:

• Buy her poetry book Afternoon Abundance
• Learn about her postpartum services
• Receive her monthly newsletter Foster’s Village

Created & Hosted by: Cesar Cardona and Foster Wilson

Executive Producer: Glenn Milley

Editor: Bessie Fong

Transcript

What's one thing you want everyone listening to know?

You are more than your thoughts, your feelings, and your actions.

What are we then?

Say this to yourself right now.

Everything I need already lives within me.

I feel like my inner critic is really loud.

I think that's something that's been stopping me in my life, in my field, in my career for a long time.

Hello and welcome to Beauty in the Break.

I'm Foster.

And I'm Cesar.

This is the podcast where we explore the moments that break us open and how we find beauty on the other side.

So whatever you're carrying today, you don't have to carry it alone.

We are here with you.

Thanks for being here and enjoy the show.

Hello, beloved, and welcome back to another episode of Beauty in the Break.

Hello, and wherever you are right now, I am very happy that you are here.

And right off the bat, I want to say thank you to you listening.

You have helped this show get in the top 3% of all podcasts in the world, which is just incredible.

And that's your dedication to wanting to hear these stories, coming back every week, listening to the show.

It's really just been phenomenal.

Sharing it with your friends, by the way, as well.

I've gotten so many emails and messages on our social media from you saying,

I'm going to share it with three of my friends, five of my friends.

My son needs to hear this.

My partner needs to hear this.

One of our new friends said they found our show, and they shared it immediately with their partner.

And then during the weekend, they put it on YouTube while they cleaned their house.

That's great.

Fantastic.

That's a fun image.

And I think that's really impressive because we just launched the show in March, and already here we are.

It's been quite an amazing journey.

And I want to say that if you reach out to us, we will respond to you.

And it's really wonderful for us to be able to hear which of these stories you want to hear more about.

And we can cater episodes right to what you need to hear in this moment.

So please reach out to us.

Our email address is in the show notes.

You can reach out to us on Instagram.

You'll hear back from us, I promise.

You probably will get a voice message from me directly talking to you, asking you how your life is.

Yeah.

And so really, a lot of the people that have been reaching out to us lately have really wanted to hear about the work that you do on growth mindfulness.

And what this is, you're going to explain it to us.

Ladies and gentlemen, we have an incredible guest here today.

All right.

Our guest is one Mr. Cesar Cardona.

I didn't even.

Go ahead.

Go ahead.

He's developed this incredible program, but really and truly, this is some of the work that seeps into everything he does in public speaking and coaching and working with youth.

And we wanted to bring it to you right here today and kind of unbox and unveil what it is and how this can help you.

And I have lots of questions because even as your partner, I don't fully understand all the details.

And so I want you to give it to me straight.

And later on in the episode, we will do a coaching session with me and you will walk me through just how you walk through it with a client, exactly how to quiet this inner critic that so many of us, dare I say all of us, have in our heads.

Absolutely.

So I want to start off by asking you right off the bat, what's one thing you want everyone listening to know?

The one thing that I think everybody should hear, and I've got this from my personal experience and working with people, is that you are more than your thoughts, your feelings, and your actions.

You are so much more even than your thoughts, your feelings, and your actions.

What are we then?

If we're not our thoughts, see, I want to go right into my brain and go, well, my thoughts are who I am.

And then my actions and how I affect people, that's who I am as well.

What are we if we're not our thoughts, our feelings, and our actions?

Well, that's a fantastic question, Barbara Walters.

What you are is so much more.

You are the awareness of all of those things happening.

Your thoughts change over time.

Your feelings, they change over time.

How you look, your hair, your skin, your best friend, your worst enemy, all of these things change over time.

The only thing that's been constant is the awareness of who you are.

And we have started to identify with our thoughts, feelings, actions, and our beliefs about them.

And so when any of those get challenged, or if they change, we feel challenged, or we're upset that it changed.

But you are so much more than that.

Your thoughts, feelings, and actions are just mere T-shirt that you're wearing.

Take it off and find out you are more than that.

My effort here to build growth mindfulness is first and foremost, helping people recognize that.

Then once we've put a bit of separation between you, your thoughts, and feelings, and actions by way of a guided meditation,

then we implement new mantras into your psyche.

It's like psychological surgery.

Because now that you know that this is just a T-shirt, I'm going to help you go into the closet and find the one that looks best on you.

That's what I want you to do.

Great.

Okay, cool.

That feels like an uphill battle.

How do we get there?

Do you think that the work you do is better for a certain type of person?

Who needs this in their life, do you think?

I think that it could appeal to any and every particular person.

But I will say the people who are suffering the most in this field, I aim my intentions towards these people the most.

The ones who have those narratives inside your head that tell you, you aren't good enough.

You can't do this.

You're not strong enough.

You're wrong all the time.

You didn't do this well.

The people who hear the phrase in their head, yeah, but those people I'm here to help first and foremost.

So the people who need, who would like to be more confident in this world?

Sure.

More confident.

The people who would like to be more authentic in who they are?

Yes, but both of those, confidence and authenticity, are byproduct of what I'm helping them find.

Okay.

I'm helping them find peace, calm in their own self.

The byproduct of the garden of calmness is happiness.

The blossom from that garden is confidence.

And self-awareness.

But first, you have to come to a state of calm.

I feel like my inner critic is really loud.

I think that's something that's been stopping me in my life, in my field, in my career, for a long time.

I've gotten better, but it's super loud.

So I need this as much as anybody else listening.

So let's get into it.

I think a lot of people would say that our inner critics are really helpful.

They help us in this world.

But what are they preventing us from doing?

Well, they're probably preventing you from being calm, clear, vulnerable, which allows you to go into the world and be more connected, more at peace, more unified with your children or your spouse, your parents.

It also prevents you from making those leaps in the world that we find vitalize us.

How many times have we said, I don't want to do this thing?

And then you leave there and you think, that was pretty good, actually.

That felt great.

That inner critic is the one that's always trying to prevent you from growing, from changing, from evolving.

From growing in general.

Yeah.

It's keeping us safe.

But it's, we're not here to be safe.

We could be very safe, holed up in our apartment and never leaving.

But then what?

Where's the growth?

Where's the growth?

And that's the growth in growth mindfulness.

How can I make sure the roots are healthy as possible so the canopy can be as high as possible and bear fruit that people can enjoy?

I think our inner critics are preventing us from a situation that had happened already in our past.

Think of it this way.

You were five years old.

You were the CEO of your life.

And you started this company called Foster LLC at five years old.

You're on the fifth floor, right?

And then you have this security guard who starts keeping the building safe because you're so close to the city streets where break in, people do all this, whatever.

Now you've grown your entire brand as a CEO of your life to 41.

You're on the 41st floor.

But that security guard is still looking out the window for people who are going to jump in and break in.

That's not their job anymore.

So what you're trying to do and what I want people to find is listening to that inner critic, hearing it and saying,

you just need an action plan to bring yourself up to date to the floor that I'm living on now.

That security guard needs to understand that their job is now changing because you've changed.

So whatever trauma, whatever thing that kept you safe from when you were younger, now needs to evolve with who you are now.

It's almost like the security guard is on the bottom floor and he or she doesn't know that there's 41 floors of this building anymore.

They're just staying on that bottom floor.

Sure.

So they need to have a map to the whole building to be able to...

Absolutely.

But you have to apply the skill set of the security guard, the one that's on alert, that's giving you fear about the world.

That skill set has to evolve to the changing of who you are.

In my 20s, I had a voice in the back of my head that constantly said, you are not worthy of being here.

You are not worthy of it whatsoever.

You don't deserve these things.

And it was saying that to keep me safe from failure in activating myself in the world.

Now I realize it was just trying to care too much.

And that brings me to the point of every demon that lives within us is just an unheard angel.

So I turned to that voice bit by bit and said, what are you actually trying to tell me?

And it's in doing that that I put that little bit of space between me and my thoughts.

And that is why I go through the guided meditation with my clients.

So they could have their own version of separating themselves from their inner critic.

But here's the kicker for all of this.

Because as a public speaker and as a teacher for growth mindfulness, I'm not giving you anything.

I'm only revealing to you what you already have.

I'm just merely holding up a mirror.

And I can say this with 100% certainty.

Say this to yourself right now.

Everything I need already lives within me.

When I was younger, my mother used to sing this song to me by Frankie Beverly and Mays.

And the lyric goes, if you get confused, don't go nowhere else.

You're going to find all that you need right there in yourself.

I thought she was just being a doting mom until I finally realized that every single thing I needed was in here.

The word after all is insight.

So we got to stop looking for it outside.

There was a long part of my life where I was always looking for the next thing.

And I couldn't really be satisfied where I was unless that thing happened.

And it was X, Y, Z.

I get this job.

I have this career.

I will, I'll be happy once I have a child.

I'll be happy.

You know, all those things.

And I was, I was always looking forward and I couldn't be here right now.

It's been a lot of work to try to sometimes be present right here.

But I never once thought that I had it in me.

I always thought someone had to give it to me.

Those things, external things are nice.

They're effective and they're signals.

But you don't stop at the sign.

If you're driving to Disneyland and it says Disneyland 40 miles, you don't stop and stand at the sign.

You keep moving through.

They're just signals to get you to where you need to be.

Don't eat the menu.

The menu lets you know where you need to go and what options you have.

How do you come to figure this out for yourself?

What was your way into this?

My way into growth mindfulness was being pulled, this tug of war between the two sides.

I need to be constantly creating, constantly making social media posts.

I need to be producing constantly, writing new songs, seeing everyone, going to that networking event, doing all this stuff and then burning myself out.

And because I'm an introvert naturally, I needed some sort of social lubricant there.

So I started drinking and then that spurned into something else.

And then I became a Buddhist and I started questioning all of it.

And at some point, for a brief moment, all of it made absolute no sense.

And I realized I've been wasting my time.

But this planet itself, Earth, is in what's called a Goldilocks zone.

It's not too hot so the water boils up.

It's not too cold so it freezes up.

So life came here from balance.

And you are of that nature.

So you should find that same balance in yourself.

So from there, I spent as much time as I could trying to get more still in here by way of meditation,

by peeling away the thoughts that were bugging me, that were being divisive in my life,

telling me I can't do something or those people are out to get me or I should be fearful about those people or more so I should be angry at those people.

And when I found out anger actually doesn't do anything against those people, it just only hurts me,

then I started to peel that away.

And then I took slow and consistent steps to find these mantras about the world that I could take into the world to grow my actions.

So I became mindful in a growing manner.

How many times a day does your inner critic take over your thoughts?

I think like I don't know the difference between my inner critic and my own voice, I think is probably what it is.

Absolutely.

Absolutely.

Have you ever listened to that inner critic and then did the thing and said, you know what, that inner critic is right?

No, not usually.

No, not usually.

Not usually, right?

Because for the most part, it's still using an old map for new terrain.

I will make choices because I think my future inner critic won't judge me then.

Whoa.

That's huge.

And also not uncommon.

Because the brain's going to do what's familiar, whether it's good for it or not.

Because it's easier to stick with that familiarity and deal with the devil that you know than to take a leap in something new and some mystery,

which usually is going to find the best version of you waiting, than it is to just say, you know what, I'll sit right here and do my own thing.

Well, that is how our brain works in terms of survival because our survival instincts are to stay safe, stay comfortable, stay still, to literally to not grow.

That's our survival instincts.

And so our brain is always going to try to tell us, don't do that thing that's new.

Don't do that thing that's scary.

Don't ask that person out that you think is cute because what if they reject you and that will feel terrible.

Don't ask your boss for a raise because what if they say no?

Like our brain is wired that way.

But then the question always remains, are we here to survive or are we here to thrive?

And if you want to thrive in this world, you have to be able to quiet that inner critic or to override it or to give it another job so that you can do the scary thing that will be scary.

We were talking about this the other day.

What is bravery?

Having the fear and doing that scary thing anyway.

Yeah.

Bravery doesn't feel like this boastful, big, oh, I'm such a big, strong, brave person.

That's not what it feels like inside.

It feels scary as shit all the time.

That's what being brave is.

That's precisely what it is.

I love that you use the word survival as well because it is an old model thinking.

Our ancestors had to survive and be very scarcity mindset.

But the beautiful thing about this world we live in right now is that 99 things out of 100 are given to us.

You can sit at a restaurant in AC, eat food.

You have a seatbelt.

Your car has safety features.

You can sleep in.

There's no lion chasing you.

There's no other tribe coming after you.

But that old way is still there.

That survival is not needed anymore.

So you're doing what's familiar.

Yes.

Great.

Totally understandable.

I see why you would.

But we live in a time now where we don't need that anymore.

You can put it to bed.

You can change its job.

You can transfer it to another office.

If he's got muscle because he's a security guard, you can make him do the heavy lifting on floor 47.

There's other jobs that he can do or she can do or it can do.

I wonder when you think about the biggest fear that you have in your life right now, is it somewhat social?

Are our fears based in what other people think of us?

What other person's going to say?

Are they really about survival or are they really just social fears?

I think that the social fear is a hijack from the survival because we were social animals before.

So to be communicated out of your social means that you're going to starve, you'll die if a tribe comes to attack you or a lion or a tiger comes to attack you.

You have no survival.

So for us to be ostracized in this society now, that part of you is still activated.

It's still telling you, oh my gosh, careful, be careful.

But that's so true because a lot of the things, there are people who are afraid to post on social media because they're afraid of saying the wrong thing,

getting canceled or whatever that even means.

And we have a 12-year-old and there's no time that's more entrenched in the social order of friendships than 12 years old.

Right now I'm witnessing it.

That is, you know, it's what my friend thinks of me, what time I got to school, what this person said.

That's everything.

Because really and truly in middle school, if you are ostracized by your friend group, you're toast, right?

That's everything.

And that's such a bubble of time that we just take with us.

We take it forward throughout our whole life.

It continues with us.

Yeah.

Being 12 is the perfect time to have those feelings.

That's the time you should be doing it because you're exercising the importance of it.

At some point, hopefully, it'll dwindle itself down.

Otherwise, you're going to live in high school for the rest of your life.

And those social things that we are scared to do, wouldn't we actually do them anyway?

Like, I was afraid to post on social media for a long time.

And then I just started overcoming it little by little.

And it got to the point where I was able to start this show.

And you would not be listening to this show right now if I hadn't thrown that inner critic out into the depths of the ocean for a minute and said,

I want to do this anyway.

Eek.

I'm putting myself out there.

People are going to judge me.

People are going to criticize what I have to say.

And well, I'm going to do it anyway because I have something to say.

The ultimate life hack is that the worry and anticipation of doing the thing is actually worse than actually doing it and the potential ramifications afterward.

You will give yourself so much more stress worrying about the thing that hasn't happened yet, that may not even happen yet, than actually doing the thing.

I heard someone say recently that for five years, they were worried that this particular event was going to take place, that this thing was going to happen to her husband.

And then it happened.

And yes, it sucked.

But one week later, she was like, I've already just survived the thing that I have been terrified for five years.

Now I spent so long worrying about it.

And it's not that it didn't happen.

And it actually did happen, but all that worrying didn't prevent the heartbreak.

All that worrying didn't prevent this from being terrible.

And I've survived it.

And now it's like, okay, well, now what?

Honestly.

I will tell you what it did do, however.

It made those things that happened in her life less enjoyable.

Yeah.

Worrying about the thing is not going to stop from happening.

But until it happens, the things that are enjoyable are now tainted.

Give yourself the gift of trust that when the situation occurs, you can withhold.

You've gotten here already, however many years you are, and you've been here and you're doing fine.

I'm sure you can overcome this next thing as well.

You're not going to be given something you can't handle.

Okay.

So let's get into exactly what this work looks like.

What is the first step we need to do?

Okay.

Very first step.

And it's only four steps.

I keep it very simple.

First step is you need to identify your inner struggle.

Find out what that is.

Is it fear?

Is it overwhelmed?

Is it stress?

Whatever.

Two, you got to name it.

Give it a title.

Name it to tame it is what the phrase is.

Are you going to call it fear?

Are you going to call it shadow?

Are you going to call it Roy?

Whatever it is, name the thing so you can get your hands around it.

Once you can visualize it metaphorically and you get your hands around it metaphorically,

then I walk you through a guided meditation, which is a type of meditation that brings those

thoughts up and easily moves you back to a focal point.

Usually your breath, because that is a natural thing for you.

And those thoughts aren't natural.

They just show up and come and go.

But your breath is eternal.

Once we do that for a bit of time, I introduce two mantras to you.

New ways of thinking to yourself.

Because the meditation separates you from you and those previous thoughts.

You have a little bit of space in that moment.

I, in the guided meditation, start activating or injecting new mantras for you.

Usually two.

Two work really well.

Because that monkey mind, to call it from a Buddhist perspective, is always going to go.

Well, let's give it something that works with us then.

If you're going to be on the move and you're going to work, then do a job for me that's effective.

So new mantras will come in.

So if it's something like, I don't trust myself.

Or I can't do sobriety.

Let's start off with, I am okay right where I am, as a mantra.

Or let's start off with, for example, I am more than my thoughts.

Because once you're in that calm space, we can inject those new phrases.

Yeah, that just makes a lot of sense.

Okay, so let's go into the first one.

Naming the inner struggle is what you said, right?

Identifying the inner struggle.

Identifying the inner struggle, right.

So what would that be?

Identifying the inner struggle is asking yourself a simple question.

What are the reoccurring thoughts or feelings that show up for me in my day-to-day thinking?

Is it dread?

Is it stress?

Is it anxiety?

Is it laziness?

Whatever those things are, identifying that thing that keeps showing up for you in your thoughts.

What is it for you?

For me, it was always frustration.

Frustrated with why something didn't work the way I wanted to.

Why I didn't appeal to my instincts.

Why I didn't feel fulfilled after I did it.

I became a musician.

And anytime music wouldn't pay off the way I wanted to, I'd find some other thing to get distracted with.

Drinking.

Women.

When I moved to Los Angeles, I completely shifted and went into theater for a while.

And I started doing that thing that people do where you just try to spin so many plates hoping one will pop up,

but you're not giving the attention to the one thing.

You're spreading eight hours across on four things here.

But you could be spending eight hours on this one particular task.

But I was frustrated that it wasn't going the way I wanted.

So from that, of course, I'm not finding any joy.

I'm not finding any satisfaction.

I'm only living on the, well, maybe this is it.

Well, maybe that is it.

And of course, every time it wasn't it, I would be frustrated.

And then juggling all those things together, music, theater, sleeping around, drinking, partying, going all these places, the healthier things, dwindled.

And I ended up in a place that I didn't need to be around people that I didn't need to be around.

And I got to this horrible assault.

And that broke me completely.

But what it did was it gave me the opportunity to scaffold a new life for myself.

I was completely broken.

The fact that it broke let me know that there was something past it because I could finally see beyond the veil.

And that every single external thing I was looking for in the world, I actually had it all right here in me.

I had traveled 3,000 miles.

I had bought a house at 20 years old.

I had joined a gang in my teenage years.

I had strayed away from my family.

I did all these things just to find out what I actually wanted was within me.

Hello.

It's like losing your keys but finding out they're in your pocket.

I had to do all of this work just to realize everything I needed was right where I stood.

And then once that cleared my mind up, I started seeing everyone else in the world having their own version of that problem.

I started seeing everybody else doing the same external seeking masked in another emotion, masked in another task in their life.

And I realized, oh, we live in a society where everything is external based.

And as fun as all this external stuff is, it's nothing without the internal.

It seems like you found that key that unlocks the secret cabinet.

If it's all here, my God, the world doesn't want us to know that we can't find it out there.

Society wants us to buy the thing and buy the house and have the kid and do the – to have it right in here.

That means I hold all the power.

That means you hold all the power for your own joy and happiness and success and peace.

Yeah.

When I found that key, I started seeing the same key on everybody else's forehead.

Can you see your own forehead?

No.

No.

But you can put your hand and say, oh, my God, here's the key.

It's right – it was right in front of me when I looked at every individual.

And I still see it every moment of every single day.

People in their own ways looking for this key.

And I'm like, it's right there.

It's right there.

And, you know, you try to tell someone they got something on their face and you wipe on the cheek, but they wipe on the opposite cheek and in the face and all the things.

It's right there where you are.

And then the society that – this industrial capitalist society that breeds that to us, I recognize that people that were in control of promoting that also didn't have their own key.

So that removed aggression.

That removed blame from me.

I started seeing them and said, oh, they just happen to have more money and can't find their key.

Yeah.

Do you know?

And that keeps me clear in my life and that keeps me grounded in my life so I can go and participate and meet any person right where they are.

And I think that's what makes me most effective as a person who teaches or works with people.

Okay.

So if your inner struggle was frustration, somebody else's might be insecurity or overwhelm.

What do we do next?

How do we get – how do we name it?

You should name it something that you are already familiar with.

Whatever the first thought that comes up for you, stick with that.

Just go with that because your body already gave you that.

Again, you have it already.

So if it's fear, for me it's frustration, I would often see it like this searing, this kind of like post-fire sizzle in my body.

And so I would see it as like a fire.

Some people see it as just straight up frustration or if you want to name it, Roy or whatever.

So we're talking about the inner critic and your key word is frustration.

That's your struggle.

What does that sound like in your mind?

For me it was, why won't this work?

What have I done wrong?

And that did lead me down the road to find a way to name it because frustration was the mask of lack of self-worth.

I'm frustrated because I can't find worth in these external things.

And for other people it might sound different.

I can't do this.

I'm going to fail.

I have a client who's told me the words that they have about themselves are stupid, ugly, used to be, and fat.

Wow.

Every day.

Multiple times an hour.

Yeah.

With an eating disorder brain, I can recognize a lot of those voices.

Right.

So let us find a way to separate you from those thoughts.

Because like we said in the beginning, you are more than those thoughts.

Don't let the external world fool you.

You are more than those thoughts.

And that's where the guided meditation comes in.

The type of meditation, and there's multiple types of meditation, but the one I tend to use is a Vipassana meditation where you are going to sit.

I will give you six deep breaths in and out.

Each breath bigger than the next one.

And when you get to that last one, you hold your breath up top.

You pause.

You sip a little more air in.

And then you let it all out.

After six deep breaths like that, your body's pretty calm and relaxed.

I walk you through a more neutral breathing state.

I allow you the space to follow your breath.

We each start to describe what the breath is like.

Texture of the air going through your nose.

Is it hot?

Is it cold?

Is it silky?

Is it gritty?

Whatever.

And eventually, a thought will show up.

Like the sun will rise.

Like the moon sheds its shadow.

A thought will show up.

Your job is to acknowledge that thought.

You take a mental bow to it and say thank you.

Because it gave you something in the past.

And then you go right back to your breathing.

And every thought that comes up, you'll have a hundred thoughts.

And 101 times, you'll bow mentally and say thank you mentally and go back to the breath.

The more you do that, you are doing a sort of mental bicep curl.

You are working that muscle of separating you from your thoughts.

Well, this is something anybody can do, right?

Anybody listening can do that right here, right now.

Not while if you're driving, of course.

If you're driving, do not do it.

But like anybody listening can do this for themselves.

I mean, you just gave it to them, right?

A hundred percent.

Whatever you're doing right now, you listening here, whatever's in your hand, take a deep breath.

Feel the texture of whatever's in your hand.

Whatever it is, just feel the texture of it.

There's no right or wrong.

Just feel it.

Now you're present.

Slowly take that same presence back to the breath of the triangle of your nostrils.

Is it cool going in?

Is it warm going out?

Feel your chest rise and close.

You're present as can be.

And when that thought comes up, because it will, acknowledge it.

Bow.

Thank you.

Right back to your thoughts.

Okay.

Maybe you should record like a whole meditation and we should release it as a bonus episode or something

just so people could like set aside some time to do that.

I'd love to do that.

But let's talk about meditation for a minute because now I am somebody who meditates,

but it was really hard for me to find a way in to meditate.

And I still have a ton of resistance.

And so many people are like, oh yeah, yeah, I know I should meditate, but I don't have time.

I have a busy schedule.

I work.

I have two kids.

There's just not time for it.

And what would you say to that?

I would express to them that meditation is about awareness.

So if you actually don't have the time, and I think most people actually do have the time,

but meeting you right where you are,

all you need to do is work on being present.

That's the start of it.

It's a concentration on awareness.

That's what it is because that's what you really are.

Conscious awareness.

The word for meditation in Sanskrit is samadhi.

It means deep concentration.

There's a misconception about meditation that you're supposed to think of nothing.

I don't know where that got started from.

It's just not true.

It's not true.

It's just not true.

It is not true.

I can't say it enough because-

It's not even possible.

It's not even worth it to try to make that effort.

I don't know, maybe television, maybe books.

I don't know.

But the three things that I hear the most is I don't have the time for meditation.

And we've just went over that.

This, you can meet yourself right where you are, whatever it is.

The other one is I can't think of nothing.

We went over that as well.

And the third thing, and I hear this one the absolute most, my mind is so busy.

I can't do it.

My mind runs too much.

Usually around that time, I will tell them everybody's mind runs quite a lot.

And for some reason, people don't like hearing that.

I don't know why something about that doesn't hit people right.

But I'm saying that to remind them, you don't need to stop your busy mind.

You are just putting separation from that mind.

My mind runs a lot.

Everybody's mind runs a lot.

There's no need to quiet it.

You are just putting separation.

I will say over time, the more separation you put, the quieter you feel.

But that's not the goal.

That is just a byproduct.

Okay.

So you're talking about if people don't, literally don't have time to meditate,

even for three minutes, let's say, how can they do the mindfulness part?

Fantastic.

You're washing dishes.

You're folding laundry.

Are you sitting in line?

Are you standing in line in CVS?

Focus on your breath.

What's my breath doing right now?

Am I tense?

You can do a body scan.

Is my jaw clenched?

Yes, is probably the answer.

Are my shoulders raised?

Yes, is probably the answer.

Just check on that.

Drop those.

Okay.

Full stop.

Full stop.

If you want more, focus on your breath while you stand there.

It's kind of what talked about our technology episode a couple episodes ago.

But we are so used to being productive in this world that we're trying to multitask at all

times.

We're standing in line at CVS.

We're going to be on our phone checking the thing, checking the message, checking the Instagram

or whatever.

But we could.

We talked about alternatives.

We could put our phone away in that moment.

Instead, just do one minute of awareness of our feet on the ground.

Where are they touching?

Correct.

And how is everything around us kind of just moving perfectly and observing?

How everything is moving in accord with the symphony of just a day-to-day life.

Over time, the byproduct, you will see there's a perfection to it, actually.

Even the stuff that seems strange or not perfect, you're like, oh, how perfect of that to happen?

You don't aim for that.

You aim for being present right where you are and all that stuff will reveal itself.

Also, one minute is great to start.

You don't got to set up a candle and sit down.

One minute is great.

And what's more, if I may say, most things are not urgent in this world.

So I'm sure one minute will be okay.

For me, getting into meditation, and look, my practice is still not daily.

It's still not perfect in any way.

But I really literally thought I could not meditate.

I can't do this.

I don't have time.

Who has time for this?

Until I was 37, and only way I could start was by giving myself such a low bar.

And it was just to do three minutes every day.

That was it.

Right.

And also forgiveness if I missed a day.

Right.

Three minutes.

And then I could increase to five.

And then I could increase to seven.

And those just seemed like doable, actionable things.

And then after time, I started to fall in love with how I felt when I did it.

Every time I sit down, I'm like, I don't really want to do this.

I don't really have time.

I have so many more things I have to do.

But I know that I feel better right after.

And also for the next 24 hours, 48 hours, there's a little bit of a slower pace to my actions and my thoughts.

But just to give you like a very simple example, you can start very slow with meditation or mindfulness.

Yeah.

And I was also a physical trainer for nine years.

And I would have new clients come in and say, all right, I want to do five days a week.

And I'm like, slow down.

Just give yourself one day.

You don't got to do much because we buy off way more than we can chew.

What's the people who start a new year, they go do workouts in January and by March they're done?

Because they give themselves too much.

You don't got to do all that.

You don't got to do all that.

Just simple, nice and easy.

One brick at a time makes the house.

Simple.

All right.

We've talked about what our inner struggle is.

We've named it to tame it.

Put a little space between you and your thoughts.

Now, what do we do?

The next thing I would do is introduce two mantras to you.

New ways of that repetitive cycle, but with better words.

The ones that I have seen at work consistently and the ones that apply to all people, and I'll give you a few of them,

turn that into the rhythm of your breathing because that's a natural thing for you.

So when you inhale, on every exhale, think, I am more than my thoughts.

Inhale, exhale, I am more than my thoughts.

Or inhale, exhale, I am here now.

Not where you were yesterday.

What's coming up in the future is not here yet.

I am here.

That gives you present moment.

And present itself is the most beautiful gift.

That's why it's called the present.

Another one for you is I don't have to be what anyone expects me to be.

I don't have to be what anyone expects me to be.

Last one is I don't have to be who I was last year, last week.

Enter whatever timeline you're holding on to.

I don't have to be the five-year-old.

I don't have to be the angry coworker.

Okay.

So we're putting those mantras into our daily life.

How do we bring that into our life?

We've got these mantras.

What do we do with them?

First thing first, if you start activating this simple meditation with these mantras,

you'll find yourself being more calm in the world.

I'll take it a step back.

You'll find yourself being more calm to yourself.

You'll be kinder to yourself.

You will be much more easy about things that don't go the way that you want because most

things don't and that's okay.

You'll go out into the world and you'll feel more present with people.

Think of it this way.

How many times have you had a conversation with someone and then later on you think,

I should have said this.

Ah, okay.

Because your waters are calmer, you can see through it now.

Boiling water, you can't see through.

Calm waters, you can see straight down.

So you're able to grab the thing that you want to say that you feel best describes whatever

you're thinking and feeling in that moment.

And then saying the mantras are simple.

When they come up for you, you think about it, just say it out loud to yourself.

Think it to yourself because you've now tied it into a calmer space with meditation.

So whenever you do it out in the world, it activates that calmness for you.

And if you are a visual learner, you can put them on sticky notes, put them on the mirror

in your bathroom, put them on your dashboard.

Just stick them around to places that you can see them over and over again.

It's amazing how simple that is.

However, how effective it can be.

Small acorn, mighty oak tree.

What do you know?

One of our kids put on our iPad, the family iPad, a reminder that pops up every day that

says, remember, you are magical.

I don't even know when they did that.

But it's so great.

It makes me smile every time.

So make it a pop up on your phone or the background of your phone or something like that.

Absolutely.

And the goal is always to get you to a place of peace.

Yeah.

Inner peace.

That's first.

Don't chase the happiness.

Don't chase the joy.

Find the peace.

All of that stuff comes afterwards from it.

Okay.

So thank you for all those steps.

Now, will you do a little coaching session with me so people can hear how it feels in real

time?

You got it.

How you doing?

My name is Cesar Cardano.

Tell me what your most inner problem is.

When you think of a new task, what's the blocking thing that happens for you?

I would say that mostly I'm overwhelmed by all there is to do.

Okay.

Overwhelmed.

Mm-hmm.

Okay.

What about it feels overwhelming?

So many things that I want to accomplish.

I don't know which one to start with.

I don't know where to prioritize my energy.

And then I just kind of shut down.

Okay.

What stops you from just taking one task and starting there?

I'm second guessing myself.

When I take the task on, oh, is this really the best thing I should be doing or should

I be doing the other thing?

I'm kind of living in FOMO of the other thing that needs to be accomplished or phone call

made or client or something like that.

Okay.

So it's doubt than anything else.

So first it's you're overwhelmed, but to take action gives you doubt.

Mm-hmm.

I doubt if I'm making the right choice.

If there's like a right choice, I've made some wrong choice.

Because I'm a spiritual person, I feel like...

Is this what the universe wants me to be doing right now?

Am I ignoring the signs of something else I should be doing?

I have a lot of lack of trust in my choices.

Well, what happens if you do the wrong thing?

Well, that's where the inner critic comes up.

That was the lazy choice.

That voice would say that's the lazy choice.

You did something that was selfish.

You didn't do something for someone else.

I just generally feel bad about myself.

And how do you know it's the wrong thing?

Yeah.

If a deadline slips by me or I feel too rushed about a particular topic or I didn't help somebody

that I needed to help, it feels like I've made the wrong choice with how I spend my time.

This is what I see.

As an individual who works hard, who strives really hard and does a multitude of things quite

well, but at the same time, you feel worried about the choices, even though you have a history

of doing things quite well.

Tell me about the disconnect between those two.

It's like, it doesn't matter how much I've done.

I feel like the future me is going to judge my current choices.

You're worried about self-judging?

Self-judgment, yeah.

Are you worried about external judging at all?

I'm worried about external judging all the time as well.

I worry what people think of me.

They think that I've said the right thing or done the right thing.

I was helpful enough.

I was a waste of time.

I worry my clients will think I'm not worth having in their space.

Has that happened before?

Not to my knowledge.

Not to your knowledge.

I don't know what other people are thinking.

So you know what other people are thinking.

You have 41 years of not having that experience, but still you're giving yourself a scenario that

you have no proof over.

Correct?

Correct, yeah.

Do you see how un-in-line that is?

It's not logical at all.

But you see that though, right?

Yeah.

Okay, cool, cool.

Right in this moment right here, and I'm saying this to the listener also, it's me getting you

to look at the thought instead of identifying with the thought.

You see that separation.

You recognize that.

Yes.

Can you also acknowledge how many times you've done things that were right or great or helpful

to people?

Yes.

You can?

Are there times that you can think of them in particular?

Mm-hmm.

Like what?

I've had clients have breakthroughs in their postpartum experience that were really big

wins.

And I didn't do anything.

They did it themselves.

Don't do that.

There it is right there.

There it is.

There's that inner critic.

There is that inner critic right there.

And we just called it out.

It's based in doubt and fear of embarrassment.

Mm-hmm.

There it is right there.

We just grabbed it.

It's the mole in the ground.

Yeah.

While you're gardening, because you and I are gardening together, you grab that thing, you

pull it out, and you take a look at it.

You say, wow, what mighty teeth you have, mole.

Mm-hmm.

There it is.

It just happened.

Mm-hmm.

Now that you have it in your hand and it's screaming and squirming, tell me the rest of

the good parts that you did.

I was really present with that client.

I supported them through their journey.

I gave them referrals for people that helped them in their journey.

I validated their experience.

They got to where they were.

They appreciated me for it.

And they got to where they were in their journey thanks to me.

Mm-hmm.

How do you feel that you did that for them?

It feels amazing.

It's the reason why I do this work.

Now, them saying those things to you and you seeing that is not the thing giving you joy.

It is the signal that your internal choices were accurate.

It is the Disneyland sign.

Mm-hmm.

It is the menu.

You are the driver to Disneyland.

Those things are just letting you know that your work to get to that moment were on point.

That's way more than the 41 years of that other thought telling you you're going to do it wrong.

You're going to mess it up.

People are going to laugh at you.

They're going to point at you.

They're going to talk bad about you.

That it has no proof over, by the way.

Because that inner critic is, one, smart.

It is clever.

But it is not wise.

Well, I will say that when I was in fifth grade, I was new to the school and I thought I was doing really well socially.

And I had all these people that I wanted to be friends with that I thought I was friends with.

And one time I was in the bathroom and I overheard two other girls talking about me behind my back, didn't know I was in there, and saying how annoying I was.

How much of a teacher's pet I was and how I wasn't going to be invited to their birthday party.

And legit, I think that may be where all of it stems from.

Because that scared voice is going, don't let that happen again.

I felt absolutely horrible.

I was like sobbing.

I couldn't leave the bathroom.

I just, it was so, as we were talking about, at 12 years old, I was 10, I guess.

But it was everything to be within the social circle.

And I was just, I felt completely ostracized.

And like, I didn't belong anywhere.

No one loved me.

I should just like crawl into a hole.

That's where that, I think that voice just like continues to come up over and over and over again.

It would be safer to be at home and not do anything.

It has consistently did its job in that moment, in the bathroom.

You hid there.

You cried.

You went home.

You cried some more.

And somehow, at 41, it is still 10.

Yeah.

Right now, you're looking right at all of this.

It's not activating your actions in the world whatsoever.

Right now, we're in this space where you can see it for what it is.

In this moment, if we were working together, I would have you go right into a meditation.

Okay.

You're already calm.

Your tone has changed.

Your body language has changed.

Everything has changed because you're not living that 10-year-old.

You're just talking about it.

So there's a separation already there.

I have a lead in.

There's a guided meditation that I give you, but we already were meditating before.

That's the real point.

Because I'm helping you see it already.

I'm giving you awareness back.

Instead of living with you in your identity of thought.

That's who you really are.

We go into the meditation.

I'd have you do a full six breaths.

And I'd have you do a body scan.

And we'd focus on the calmness of your breath.

And from listening to you talk, I would give you a mantra that says something along the lines of,

I can now keep safe my 10-year-old.

Something along those lines.

Because you aren't that 10-year-old anymore.

Right.

You are now a powerful, dynamic, beautiful being who lives in this world and creates and owns things.

And is the Quan Yin, the Bodhisattva with all the arms.

Because that Bodhisattva is here to serve and to give.

You are powerful.

You've done every single thing you set your mind to.

On your own, by the way, in your own way, you should be proud of that.

You should be blissed by that.

And if you're going to give some notice to that inner critic, you better start listening to that inner cheerleader as well.

That mantra would take you along the rest of your day.

And I would send you a recap and an email of do this meditation, however, whatever worked for you and I.

And then keep that mantra with you.

Because me giving you that mantra is like you leaving the gift shop of this conversation.

You take it back home.

And it's not a mantra that you came up with abstractly or randomly.

It's a mantra.

It's not yours.

It's really mine because it came from within you.

It's rooted in you.

Yeah.

All I'm doing is holding up a mirror to every one of my clients.

And I do it in my life now as well.

The dude checking me out at Trader Joe's when I'm buying 12 Trader Joe's sparkling water cans.

He's like, you like the Trader Joe stuff.

And I'm like, he's funny.

You're funny, man.

I like your humor.

And he's like, oh, thanks.

I'm like, you got it.

Growth mindfulness.

Yeah.

But that is true too.

Like those of us who are givers who want to give this gift, who don't want to give it to ourselves, want to give it to other people.

Right.

But you can do that also.

You can see what somebody doesn't see in themselves and you can call it out and bring it up to the forefront.

And I swear to God, somebody will light up before you in a way that you haven't seen.

It will take them by surprise.

Just like you said, the checkout person at the grocery store or whatever.

I say to my clients sometimes, very specifically, somebody will do something.

I'm like, I love the way you talk to her.

The way they talk to their baby, their newborn.

I love the way that you are so, I love the way you talk to your partner.

So beautiful.

Whatever it is.

I love how joyful you guys are with each other.

I love the sense of humor you guys have.

And they know they have it on some level, but just to bring that thought to the forefront is a life hack, really.

For them and for you too.

For your connection.

Absolutely.

And you take less than a second to say that compliment.

That will probably make their entire day.

And it helps them combat their own inner critic because everybody's got one.

Yeah.

Okay.

Amazing.

Try this experiment for me today.

Think of one thing that you don't like doing that you got to do today.

Let's say it's washing dishes.

When it's time to do the thing you don't want to do, do everything you can.

To just be present in it.

I don't like washing dishes.

Okay.

Let us look at the dish you're washing and see what it's made of.

Touch it.

See what design there is.

Watch the suds cascade down the dish.

See how the sink is made to just funnel water straight down.

Don't give it any thought about what it should or shouldn't be.

Just be aware of it.

Just make notes of the present moment.

And then after that, check in and see if that thing sucked as much as you thought it was going

to be.

That's really good.

What would you like our beloved listener to take away today?

You listening are under no obligation to live the life based on your past memories or your past fears.

There's no law that says you have to be those people.

Every given moment is an opportunity for you to recognize the new version of yourself.

Thank you for giving us all of this today.

This was a plethora of information.

Thanks for having me as a guest.

I appreciate it.

I like this show.

My God.

The host.

She's gorgeous.

My goodness.

If you want to reach out to Cesar Cardona, his link is in the show notes.

CesarCardona.com.

But thank you so much.

And I think there's a lot here that we can all gain and we can all practice from what you

have to teach us.

Thanks for coming up with this entire framework.

It's beautiful.

I mean, I found this thing in the world and I want to pass it on.

That's what we're here for.

I mean, you know, we're supposed to be helping each other out walking along this yellow brick road.

Thank you at home for listening.

We will see you next time on Beauty and the Break.

And as always, please be kind to yourself.

If this episode spoke to you, take a moment and send it to someone else who might need it.

That's the best way to spread these conversations to the people who need them the most.

And if you want to keep exploring with us, make sure to follow Beauty and the Break wherever

you get your podcasts.

We'll see you next time.

Beauty and the Break is created and hosted by Foster Wilson and Cesar Cardona.

Our executive producer is Glenn Milley.

Original music by Cesar + the Clew.