The Break Down: Feminine & Masculine Balance

In this laid-back bonus episode of Beauty in the Break, Foster and Cesar explore the sacred feminine and sacred masculine energies, going beyond gender to uncover how these forces live within all of us. Drawing inspiration from Rise, Sister, Rise by Rebecca Campbell, they unpack balanced vs. unbalanced expressions of feminine and masculine energy, touching on sexuality, support, protection, and partnership. You will come away from this conversation with a deeper understanding of how to recognize and nurture balanced feminine energy and masculine energy in yourself and your relationships.

In this episode, they explore: 

• What sacred feminine energy really looks like beyond stereotypes
• How sexuality can shift from shame to empowerment
• Why the sacred masculine includes worshipping the feminine
• What it means to be a protector versus being protective
• The dance between feminine and masculine energies in partnership

Be sure to listen to the full episode on Gender Roles & Invisible Labor that spawned this conversation. You can also watch the episodes on YouTube.

If you enjoyed this episode, take a moment to follow Beauty in the Break on your favorite podcast app and leave a review—it really helps!

Reach out to the show! Send an email or voice note to beautyinthebreakpod@gmail.com and be sure to follow on Instagram.

Cesar Cardona: 

• Attend his upcoming speaking engagements
• Listen to music from Cesar + The Clew on Apple Music and Spotify
• Receive his monthly newsletter Insights That Matter

Foster Wilson: 

• Buy her poetry book Afternoon Abundance
• Learn about her postpartum services
• Receive her monthly newsletter Foster’s Village

Created & Hosted by: Cesar Cardona and Foster Wilson

Executive Producer: Glenn Milley

Transcript

Hello, and welcome to Beauty in the Break. I'm Foster.

And I'm Cesar.

This is the podcast where we explore the moments that break us open and how we find beauty on the other side.

So whatever you're carrying today, you don't have to carry it alone. We are here with you.

Thanks for being here and enjoy the show.

Welcome back, beloved, to another episode of Beauty in the Break.

Yes, and wherever you are right now, I am happy you are here.

We're going to jump into a little bit of a bonus episode today because last week's episode was about gender roles

and the roles that we are brought up with and what we've taken forward in this life.

I want to kind of unpack an alternate version of what masculine and feminine can mean.

I heard this a few years ago when I read a book called Rise, Sister, Rise by Rebecca Campbell.

Subtitle of the book is A Guide to Unleashing the Wise, Wild Woman Within.

And this was in my days when I was reading a lot of deeply spiritual books as well as unearthing who I was as a woman, as a human in this planet.

I just had a lot of self-discovery and self-reflection to figure out.

And this was one of the many books I read in those years.

And there's something in this book that has always stuck with me.

I took a physical picture of it.

I saved it in my phone and I have sent it to so many people.

And the details of how she breaks down what she calls the sacred feminine and the sacred masculine is just something that I see everywhere in the world now.

I want to tell you what these things are.

And maybe it will give you a different lens through which to see femininity and masculinity.

What I love about this list the most is that it's a reminder that in this society where we're looking at toxicity of things, toxic masculinity, and seldom do we talk about wholesome masculinity.

We talk about the growth of feminism, but also the sides that can be spicy or sharp and vindictive as well.

I like how this grabs the totality of information because all things have the darker and the lighter side.

I like that this describes it in pretty great detail.

Yeah.

I think that masculine and feminine energies can be in balance with each other.

This really has nothing to do with gender.

So however you identify in your gender, try to see in yourself when you have elements of the sacred feminine energy, the sacred masculine energy, and then what she calls the unbalanced feminine and unbalanced masculine.

We all have all of these different things at different points in time, but it kind of gave me a really good framework for what to strive for in my own self when I'm identifying with femininity or with masculinity.

And it also helped me when I was looking for a partner, when I was meeting people who were unbalanced in their masculinity or in their sacred masculinity.

That helped me kind of decipher what kind of person I would be with them, what kind of person they would be with me, and how they would treat me.

You have so many of these sacred masculine qualities that I could just point in this list here and talk about ad nauseum.

So when we're talking about the feminine, what the sacred feminine looks like, she says, is compassionate, wise, someone who is in touch with their ability to heal, someone who is connected with nature and her seasons, someone who sees herself as whole.

Who loves unconditionally.

Who loves unconditionally.

Who is fiercely protective of the planet and her children.

Someone who is sexual.

Someone who is sexual.

Who knows her power.

Who is passionate.

Who is empathetic.

Intuitive.

A healer.

Fertile.

Creative.

Which goes right into fertility.

Abundant.

Someone who's in flow with life.

Who is assertive.

Who fills up her own well.

Who is able to be supported.

And who is revered and adored by the masculine.

Those are the words she uses.

Able to be supported really struck me.

Because as someone who spends a lot of time in my own masculine energy, being supported was not something I was used to.

Being supported was something that I thought was a weakness.

But when you hear this entire list, you see, oh, that is powerful energy.

That is also soft energy at times.

It is also very strong energy at times.

Healing energy.

Intuitive energy.

All of that.

I think it's just a really beautiful description of what sacred femininity is.

The other one that struck me when I read this list was sexuality.

That's the one I had a note to bring up.

Yeah.

To bring in was when I wanted to share.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Because for me, I was not someone who was in touch with my sexuality at all.

We already discussed in the last episode, I was a quote unquote tomboy.

I played football.

I was into sports.

Right.

And then I saw sexuality as shameful.

I saw sexuality as, you know, what media will tell us.

If you are sexual, then you are.

Media's words, slutty.

Or it was demeaning yourself to be sexual.

I never saw sex as something that was powerful or connective.

I really thought of it as like a dirty act.

You know, I had a lot of shame around sex.

In the last probably four years is when I really began to see like I am a sexual being in this world.

There is power in that and there is something beautiful in that.

And that doesn't necessarily mean I'm sleeping with everyone.

That just means I have sexuality in my being.

And that's something that has been a big growth edge for me.

And I'm still growing quite a lot into that.

And you should have the freedom in this world to be able to be as expressive about that in this life as men are.

There's so, the podcast, Call Her Daddy, how she talks.

It's not my content.

It's not stuff that I want to listen to.

And I'm like, you go and do that.

Because you should be able to express that.

One, because it's a natural thing.

So let us stop being upset about how weird or uncomfortable you are about something that happens naturally in nature.

When we have no problem showing war and murder and all these other things that we've made up, we can show that all day.

And then two, this is a space and a time in life where there is some freedom.

That women should be assertive in that way.

Should be able to say whatever they want, however they feel in that way.

From what I've seen so much, what I've experienced and what I've heard about is women's needs, the sexual sense being put second to the male.

And I think that it's a beautiful time that we can have women in this world who can express and put their needs first.

A former friend of mine would go to this woman's-led sexual assertion class.

That's not exactly what it was called.

But they would just go through the rhythms of talking about, while in the act of, this doesn't work for me.

No, no, I want this instead.

Could you do this?

This is what I like.

I don't like that.

That's so cool.

I thought that was fascinating.

It was fascinating.

I just thought it was great.

They were literally doing sexual acts and speaking through it?

No, they weren't doing the sexual acts.

They were just having the conversation of like, you can say, no, no, don't do that.

That doesn't feel good for me.

I don't like that.

They're practicing the words.

Uh-huh.

Practicing the words out.

Cool.

Yes.

Cool.

And saying those things out.

I find that beautiful.

Beautiful.

Beautiful.

Beautiful.

Beautiful.

Beautiful.

Beautiful.

Beautiful.

Beautiful.

And I'm a guy who has spent years sleeping around a lot and putting myself first.

So I've been to both of these sides and I realized this, this is the way, this is the way to be in this society because all sides can be expressed.

I like that one.

That one stuck with me a lot when you said it, that assertive nature.

Mm-hmm.

It's a really nice balance, this whole list.

From loving unconditionally to being sexual to being assertive to being in flow to being compassionate and healing.

I just, I love it.

So this, the unbalanced feminine looks like someone who is needy, codependent, overly sensitive, although I want to kind of debunk that one a little bit.

I think that's a tricky thing to say, but overly sensitive, self-pitying, bitter, self-doubting, a people pleaser, guilty, guilty, guilty, guilty, guilty right here.

The good girl, someone who has low self-esteem, gossips, who is resentful, who doesn't want to be happy, who is selfish, manipulative, controlling.

Unable to express her needs.

Puts everyone else's needs above her own and compares herself to others.

There's a lot of me that resonates with a couple of these words and then some that I've worked on a lot in my personal growth.

From being a people pleaser.

Just extreme people pleaser.

When I was younger and all the way through my 20s, not wanting to ruffle feathers.

It's not a grounded place to be.

And putting everyone else's needs above their own.

That is so, so common.

And if you identify with any of these things, look, there's no judgment.

We're just expressing kind of how energies can be in balance or out of balance.

And this can be at any given point in time.

You're going to feel more balanced and in your sacred femininity more.

And other times, really out of balance, depending on how your day went, how much self-care you did, how much you exercised, your mood, anything like that.

These are not words to wear as a title.

They're just identifiers of how much of this is showing up in my day-to-day.

Yeah.

Putting everyone else's needs above your own is such a thing that I saw growing up.

For women in particular, just cooking the meal for everybody and then being too tired to eat.

Make your own plate.

So much of us in this society almost expect that.

That we're blind.

That we didn't even spot it.

There's multiple times, I know this.

I know I need to be as helpful as possible.

And I turn around and I go, oh my God, Foster's just done 12 things and the kids are here running.

I've just been staring out the window.

What am I doing?

It's just habitual process.

So to go back to your original point about we all have these moments.

We are all activating some of those.

That's just how much of it is going to take over your actions.

Yeah.

We all have, we are all all things, right?

We are all all things.

And so we all have a depressed part of us.

We all have a needy part of us or a codependent part or people pleasing part, right?

So it's not to shove these things aside.

It's just to recognize when we're feeling bitter about something, probably because we haven't expressed our needs or taken control and done the thing that we need to do for ourselves.

It's on us, right?

So it's just being aware that that's not a very balanced place to be.

The one that I take issue with a little bit here is this overly sensitive part.

I can recognize that that can be unbalanced, but it's a sore subject.

I think for me as a woman in this world, because a lot of men say to women, oh, stop being so sensitive.

When they actually, what they mean is you're vulnerable and I can't handle your vulnerability because I'm not able to be vulnerable.

You're not allowed if you're a woman in the workplace and a high-powered woman, a CEO, you're not allowed to have feelings at work.

You're not allowed to talk about something that went wrong with one of your kids and you feel emotional about it because that would stop you from getting promotion.

That would stop you from getting the raise you needed.

That person's too overly sensitive.

So I am a little sensitive about that phrase because I think it's used incorrectly.

There is such a world in which someone is so overly sensitive that they take a small action and make it mean something about themselves.

That that's not what it was intended for at all.

But I just want to be careful about that because we've heard that a lot.

Yeah, the word got added with so much baggage.

Yeah.

Unnecessary baggage.

This happens to words all the time.

Every word at some point will have too much baggage.

You got to go somewhere else.

People are religious and then religion got dark and it was like, okay, I'm spiritual.

I'm not religious because the baggage came with it.

Right.

I hear both sides of it.

There is a level of you got to have some sort of self-regulation on what you're taking in.

And there's another side of this whole energy has just came into the workforce, has just came into school or whatever it is.

They're going to give you a whole new perspective.

So you probably should just give some space and look at it from that new lens.

Both sides can do some work here.

Yeah.

And I see it constantly, constantly.

Both sides can do work.

Yeah.

On the masculine side, I'm going to explain what the unbalanced masculine is.

I think we see a lot of toxic masculinity in this world.

And again, this is just about an unbalance.

And whether, however you identify, you have masculine energy in you as well.

So coming into balance with that.

So what the unbalanced masculine looks like is someone who destroys everything in their path.

Someone who's ruthless.

Only thinks of themselves.

Believes that the end justifies the means.

Forceful, brutal, selfish, egotistical.

They see themselves as separate.

They're arrogant sometimes.

Disconnected from their emotions.

Easily threatened.

Stubborn.

Deceitful.

And headstrong.

I know you listening right now are thinking of one particular person.

Without question.

Because we live in a society.

And I mean that both ways.

Yeah.

I mean that it's a tongue in cheek.

Because we're probably thinking about often the same particular person.

But also we live in a society where it's such a masculine driven field.

We get to, we're seeing that more than we're seeing anything else.

So then you're spotting it in your home as well, perhaps.

So I mean both ways.

Your home, your family, your workplace.

Yeah.

There's somebody who's got a lot of this going on.

It's just, it's the most showcased thing in this society.

And some of these things were praised in our society for a long time.

Oh gosh.

Still even.

By a whole group, handfuls of people.

This is not what masculinity has to look like.

And this is not the only way.

It's not.

I see easily threatened in a lot of people.

Oh yeah, that's a great one.

In a lot of masculine energy.

I see someone is easily threatened.

And that's women as well.

Oh yeah, for sure.

I think often people take stuff personal.

And someone's just sharing one side of their own life.

If you can find a way to take only one out of every hundred moments is feeling threatened,

you will be ahead of 99% of the society.

Most things are not personal.

Most things that people do is not because they're doing it out of malice.

Usually it's from incompetence or being unaware of it.

So when they say stuff like that, you can't take it serious.

They'll threaten for it.

Since I'm masculine presenting.

But I very often am a person to say, hey, that's not, they don't like being called that.

Whoa, that's what we're saying now?

Or if I say, no, I don't partake in that.

I don't drink.

Or I don't, I don't kill bugs.

Something as simple as that.

They're like, well, I just have to.

I didn't ask.

I'm not saying you're doing anything wrong.

There's a real quick way of feeling threatened there.

Do you find people expect any of these things from you?

From me?

Presenting as male in the world.

Yeah, but I don't get those these days.

When I was in my 20s and I was probably the worst version of myself, the, you said emotionless?

That one of them?

Someone called me a robot.

They said that.

Honestly, I was just suppressing my emotions and giving these very rote answers to them.

Forceful.

When I was a teenager, I was super forceful.

Everything had to go my particular way.

Especially when I was in a gang, I got a bunch of powerful people with me.

So why not just have everything my way?

My life now, I don't pick up on any of that.

I went on a date with a woman, a few dates.

And then I was like, hey, this is a bit too much for me.

It just wasn't working.

And she wanted something different.

And I wanted something different.

I kind of pulled away.

And she like spewed a bunch of stuff on text messages.

I remember she said, you have Peter Pan syndrome.

You don't want to grow up.

She said a bunch of other stuff.

I don't remember any of those.

But that one I remembered, which lets me know that there's something in there that might be accurate.

There's another part of me that thinks, hey, I spent all of my life being an adult.

As a child, as a teenager, taking care of myself.

This might be the opportunity that I should be able to play a little bit.

But that part got to me a little bit.

And when you were reading that list, I was trying to find that in there somewhere.

It's not there.

And I find myself more in play now, but still being very intentional and very serious about stuff.

And wanting to actually grow up.

Okay, so this is the final part, which is the sacred masculine.

This is probably the most mind-opening part for me to really see the masculine in this way.

She says the sacred masculine is strong, protective, worships the feminine, supportive, abundant, powerful, provider, confident, physical, energized.

Unitized, passionate, courageous, able to be supported by the feminine.

Able to surrender and be held by the feminine.

Able to love unconditionally.

In touch with their feelings.

And empowered, not threatened.

My God, we need so much of that more.

I just love it.

I don't know why it hits me so much more powerfully than everything else.

But I think maybe that's because this is what is lacking in the world right now.

To see perhaps male-bodied people or masculine people really embracing all of these qualities.

And to intentionally toot your horn, you have so much of this in you.

Thanks.

I never understood before this the idea that for the masculine to worship the feminine is to understand the vulnerability that they can have, as well as the real power of the creative energy of feminine.

Absolutely.

The ultimate creator, nature, mother, earth.

There is so much power in that.

Look at what mother nature does to us.

And we call it mother nature.

Decimated Altadena and the palisades and the fires.

Decimated us.

Tornadoes and earthquakes.

The power.

We are powerless to mother nature.

And I think that is true of the feminine energy as well.

And for the masculine to recognize that and be like, I surrender to you.

That is, it's just such a beautiful thing in every way you look at it.

Joseph Campbell says, and I'm paraphrasing, the man seeks what the woman already is.

And boy, do I love that line.

Oh, I love it so much.

I would add that understanding that side of femininity and the power of it is those two things you said.

The third one is also recognizing that it's in you also.

Yes.

That's a big one.

And I think that the reason why this one sticks with you so much, and for me also, is because what I said before, what's projected in the mass media, excuse me, I'll rephrase that.

What's projected in something that we all are witness of, television, film, media, newspaper, novels, the things that we all are participating in together, happens to be shown most in the lens of the unbalanced masculinity.

We see so much of that.

And the other one is that the really true sacred masculine energy is to say, I am strong, I am powerful, I provide.

And also emotionally, I am held by you.

She even says it here.

There's a great deal of physicality in the masculine energy.

I'm going to hunter-gatherer, go out, provide.

A lot of love language, I think, for men sometimes is acts of service.

I want to do that thing to make your life easier.

A lot of times I see the feminine in their emotions be able to hold emotional space for the masculine.

And that is where the symbiosis is so lovely.

No matter what your genders are, whatever, homosexual relationships, heterosexual relationships, it doesn't matter.

Whatever the balance of masculine and feminine is, is when one is able to emotionally support the other and one is able to physically support the other and vice versa.

They can go back and forth and have their times.

It's constantly a dance.

Yeah.

Within yourself and then within your actions and therefore within your interactions.

Yeah.

Mm-hmm.

I think for you and I, I've come into some of these sacred feminine things just in our relationship.

Mm-hmm.

Which one?

Which ones?

Able to be supported.

Mm-hmm.

And I think there's also allowing myself to be adored by the masculine was like a receiving of energy that I couldn't always take.

Mm-hmm.

And I would reject.

Definitely sexuality.

But the able to be supported, what that looks like to me is I finally realized you so often will offer to do something for me physically.

I'm going to wash these dishes.

You know what I'm going to do?

I'm going to come and pick you up.

And that will make your drive to XYZ easier because I'll be able to just drop you off and then pick you up again or whatever it is.

Right?

Something that's like really inefficient and out of your way and something that I would reject quite often.

Well, that doesn't make sense.

That's not logically sound.

We should do something more efficient.

But what I realize is that you're really desiring to make my life easier.

Absolutely.

And I can just say yes to that small thing and now you are empowered in that situation as well.

You feel like you're living out these things of being a provider.

And that is how I show my love back to you is to let you do that.

And that is being able to be supported.

That is in my sacred femininity.

Yes, I will allow you to drive me there and drop me off because that will make my life a lot easier.

Thank you.

There's a bit of protecting on my side as well.

Protector.

Not protecting.

Being a protector.

I think there's a little bit of difference there between protecting and being a protector.

Okay.

Because it's part of me that's also like she has to just focus on this one thing.

I got the traffic.

I got the drive.

I got the AC.

I got the time she's going to get there.

I can pick her up at this time.

All she's got to do is focus on the one thing that's important to her showing is being at that place, dealing with that.

I protect her.

All the other elements that could stop her from getting there.

There's some of that too.

Scott Galloway is a businessman, entrepreneur.

He owns a podcast.

He has been doing a lot of work on young men and trying to change the narrative of what young masculinity is.

I adore him for what he's doing because one of the main things he says is masculinity is being a protector.

And that is protecting anybody who's getting pushed on, pushed over, who's being belittled.

Yeah.

Anybody.

And I was like, man, thank you for saying that.

Because the muscle of us, masculine energy, no matter your gender, can still be used.

And it should be there to help people who are less fortunate, who are in need, who are being pushed down.

I could not say it better than he said it.

And I didn't say it better than he says it now even.

That protector side is big.

Yeah.

And me worshiping you, cherishing you is huge for me.

Huge.

Since we've been together, there's not been a day that we've spent time, we've been in the same space that I haven't found some way to physically or verbally dote on you.

Beyond just a peck on the cheek.

Like something that is me showing my conscious, present moment adoration for you.

Yeah.

You do that all the time.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I think also a friend of mine was dating somebody.

She is very much in her sacred feminine and that has a lot of power too.

She has a lot of masculine energy as well.

She grew up in New York City.

She knows that city like the back of her hand.

When she was on a date with him, he was like, I'm leading.

He had big provider energy.

He picked the place.

He took her there.

She said, the whole time on the subway and everything, I was just letting him lead me.

I didn't even know where I was at that point.

I wasn't even paying attention.

I was so ready to be provided for in that way.

And it really was the balance that they both needed.

He wanted to do that for her.

She wanted to receive in that way.

Every other damn day, she's out there walking the streets of New York City and she's got her guard up.

She knows what she's doing and she's extremely independent and strong.

But in those moments, she was allowing herself to be softer in the presence of him.

And she loved it and he loved it.

And what a beautiful balance.

That was amazing to me because looking for someone who had provider energy was never something I thought of when I was dating.

You naturally have it.

But as an independent woman who had a feminist mom growing up, there's resistance for me to that idea.

I don't need it, but I like it when it happens.

And that, I think, is the difference because it's not needy.

It's just being able to receive it when it comes.

That was good.

The last two things that come up for me, and they're really quick, and I just want to say,

it is the passionate part and in touch with their feelings.

As soon as you read both of those, I thought about how far am I along on that journey because I want to be that a lot.

And then immediately after that thought, I thought about your dad.

Your dad is both of those in the best, best, best way.

He's just really passionate about the stuff he loves.

He shares it with us.

He'll just like a quote, and he'll just email us just a quote.

It shows how much passion he has about the vitality of being alive and knowledge and learning.

It's so beautiful.

And then him being in touch with his feelings is huge for me.

Watching him be so emotional during times.

Having no problem with, in any given moment, crying.

I find that to be one of the most beautiful things that I've seen as a male growing up in a society where right now the men have to be the masculine energy and the women have to have the feminine energy.

You and I are doing the work in this world, in our own selves, in our relationship, and out in the world to try to make sure that everybody recognizes that they have all these pieces.

And in all of that, I meet your dad, who just is already there.

Yeah.

And I just find it phenomenal.

Capital F phenomenal.

Yeah.

It's pretty amazing.

So yes, a few things to think about, really, in the next week here, really just to think about what sacred and unbalanced femininity and masculinity looks like in yourself and the people around you.

Thank you so much for listening to Beauty and the Break.

And as always, please be kind to yourself.

If this episode spoke to you, take a moment and send it to someone else who might need it.

That's the best way to spread these conversations to the people who need them the most.

And if you want to keep exploring with us, make sure to follow Beauty and the Break wherever you get your podcasts.

We'll see you next time.

Beauty and the Break is created and hosted by Foster Wilson and Cesar Cardona.

Our executive producer is Glenn Milley.

Original music by Cesar & The Clew.